Wake Up With Gratitude

By. Kylie Conroy

Expecting everything surrounding you to go exactly the way you originally thought it would seems nice right? But it's not realistic in the slightest in fact it's actually naive.

Not everything is linear. If it was, your life would be in easy mode.

Things go wrong and that's just the reality of life. It has its ups and downs. Everyone has heard that cheesy saying "life is like a Rollercoaster", well I think it's more like a rollercoaster that derailed instead. Im half kidding, but no one can really control life..sometimes it derails and you need a new track. or just a full new rollercoaster I guess in this case... But in more simple terms life is fucked sometimes and you can't control the actions of others, and the universe sometimes works in funny ways.

It's hard to understand that and realize that you can't control everything around you, and that's something I have always struggled with. Control is one thing that has always made me feel sane. The control I have is what keeps me grounded. But the second that one little thing is suddenly not wrapped around in my hands and slips away, I panic. Learning to control the controllable in a healthy way is the trick for a lot of things that end up going wrong in your

Photo credits to Bella Cannizzo <3

One thing you can control every day is choosing to be grateful.

You can control the second you wake up in the morning by choosing to be grateful for that in itself. Waking up as I open my eyes as the daylight shins through my dorm room window, I immediately want to shut them for another 20 mins and set my annoyingly obnoxious alarm to snooze for the 30th time. Don't we all? Who doesn't love to sleep in a little extra on a Monday or for that matter any day of the week... But I wanted to journal before class and make a coffee, but I won't have time if I do that. Instead of doing what's easy and choosing to shut my eyes again, I don't and I get up instead. In that moment of debate, I look over at my Keurig, untouched today on my dresser. I can imagine the first sip of coffee reaching my mouth. Im so grateful for coffee, and that first-morning sip of it reaching my lips. I'm grateful for the fact that I even opened my eyes this morning… I'm alive and able to live another day. Okay, that sounds extremely cheesy and simple, but it's true and we don't think about the littlest things that we can choose to be grateful for every day. Every day we open our eyes is a gift we get to experience. And we can control being thankful and grateful for that opportunity we are presented with. We choose to get out of bed & we control that. We choose to go make that coffee and journal before getting dressed and ready for class.

Getting ready for your class you open your closet and decide what to wear for that day. This is the opportunity you should be grateful for so that you can choose to express yourself however you choose to that day. Do you want to be fun and colorful because that's how you feel for this day? or is it sweats and sweatshirt day because you woke up cold? or is it a dark-themed day because your playlist is making your emo side come out on a Tuesday?

Choosing to be grateful also helps you to notice the little things in life more. Walking to class most of the time you are left with negative thoughts about how you wish you could be taking a nap instead, or your dread how boring the class will be. These thoughts distract you from what's around you on this walk. Walking past humans is a blessing, you see people as you walk to class. Strangers. The opportunity to smile at them or pass by sends good vibrations that you might not even be aware that you are putting out there. But if you're left with a gloomy look on your face all your doing Is sending negative vibes to others as you walk past them or glance in their direction. You lose opportunities. Think about all the time's someone has indirectly or meaningly impacted your mood for the day. They hold a door for you and wait the extra second in doing so. Or they hold the elevator and simply say have a nice day as they leave or just a simple soft smile to a stranger as you make eye contact. The little things like that are lost when you're distracted by choosing to not be grateful.

Then you get to class... Sitting in whatever pre-req class your forced to take that fits in your schedule. You're slumped back in the uncomfortable chairs, as you open your computer to Pinterest or 2048 online game to make the time go by quicker. Man, I'm tired and I think to myself how I don't wanna be here and my mind is racing and daydreaming in my thoughts about how I may get my boot off in a week. Or what if I don't? I'm expecting and hoping to run in the next 2 weeks. What if I can't? I mean I can't control that but instead of dwelling right now on what I don't even know. I can choose to be present. That's what I can control. Sitting in class and turning my attention to my professor. Whos there for me. Opening my ears to take in some information that not every person is taking in today. Every minute I am listening to my teacher is another grain of knowledge that I GET to learn and take into my mind. I get that. And I'm grateful for that. And I choose to be grateful for that because being grateful is something I control.

Between classes I have time. I'm grateful for that time. Time is a gift and it moves quickly so choosing what you do with free time determines a lot. So between my classes, I try and always use my time somewhat wisely depending on what that means for that particular day. Whether that be getting coffee with my friends and chitchatting about life and catching up or going to take a nap so I have more energy for my next class and practice later. I'm grateful for the people that I have around me I'm grateful for those coffee dates and walking dates. Or the time I have to call my sisters to ask how they are doing and hear about their weeks. I'm grateful for the ability to call them and have phone communication for that reason. the ability to keep those relationships that are distant physically.

3:00 pm rolls around which means it's time for practice. I sit there as my teammates roll out, and get ready to leave for their runs and workouts while I stay behind on the stationary bike with my AirPods in my ears and my butt numb. Seriously the bike hurts my butt bad. But I still get the opportunity to sit there for the 20 minutes that they stretch and roll out to all catch up about our days, while little side conversations about other topics are spoken about as well. The pre-practice debrief. I'm grateful for it, and I'm grateful for the girls I get to debrief with. Even when I'm on the bike. I get that 60 mins to myself. to think and think. and sweat. Oh, the ability to sweat really gets me through the day. I am grateful I have the ability to sweat out my worries and anxiety and even if it's not through running it's still something I'm doing that getting me a step closer to accomplishing greatness. I accomplished 60 mins of biking. Some runners have injuries where they can't even bike yet. I can, so I choose to be grateful for that in the least.

Not only do I have the opportunity to still bike. But I can lift. Yeah maybe only upper body which is my least favorite thing to lift, but I still am grateful for the ability to continue to get stronger. Stronger for the time when I do come back. I'll come back even stronger than I was before.

Oddly enough I'm thankful for the dining hall too. Every day after practice our team will eat together and laugh and talk or just be able to eat all together like that. even though sometimes I dread it, I'm still grateful for the workers who prepare and take the time to make this food every day. They not only just serve the food and make it, but also take the time to say hello or compliment a sweater or put a smile on some hungry faces.

There are also the more general things in the world to be grateful for like nature. When it rains I'm grateful for the sound it makes tapping on the windows. I'm grateful for the silence on a gloomy rainy day and a cozy blanket wrapped around me snuggled in bed. Or the sunshine beating on your face or the wind in your hair. there are so many simple things you can find all around you to just notice and feel gratitude for it. It all starts when you just start to open your eyes and your mind a bit more.

If you read my last blog post or know me on a personal level you would know that as of now I'm dealing with a stress fracture in my tibia bone, and I'm in a walking boot. Meaning; I can't do the one thing I love. Run. How can one seem to find the good in that? What is there to really be grateful for? Well, surprisingly a lot. For starters I'm alive. I wake up every morning with a roof over my head and in a warm bed. I go through my day with people who I care about and who care about me. I have people to rely on. I get to walk outside every morning. I get to put on a fun outfit that makes me feel good about myself. Those are just the simple things that relatively most of us can say we are grateful for. But in terms of ending up in a boot in relation to this, I guess I can say I'm grateful that I'm not on crutches. I'm telling you that when you or 10 years old you used to want crutches because they “seemed fun” and are playing one hell of a weird mind game on you. I remember young Kylie sickly and twistedly wishing for crutches, and I don't know if maybe I was psychotic and was the only child that wanted a cast or crutches, but those few days when I was supposed to be using them were a living nightmare. Like I actually almost fell backward down the stairs using them. SO YEAH. I'm Extremely grateful I should say that I'm at least in a boot and not crutches. That's for sure.

One thing we can also choose to do is to be grateful for the lessons that these downs in our lives teach us. we can choose to be angry and focus on all the bad things that the downs teach us or we can choose to have a growth mindset in which we take the lessons from things that go wrong and learn from them.

Right now I have been struggling with being patient. but my being injured is forcing me to learn how to be more patient. Being patient is a difficult thing for many, but it's an important aspect that we can use to help us grow as individuals. patience teaches us a lot. I am certainly angry that I'm not able to be competing. I'm jealous of the ones who can because I wish more than anything I was there with them, but instead, patience s when you choose to accept and understand that you are not. But just because I'm not, doesn't mean I won't be. Each day is a day closer to when I will be back there. Injury is all about being patient because even once I get my boot off and start running again I'm still going to need to continue being patient. I can't rush too quickly back into running in the chance I can possibly hurt myself more or delay the healing process.

Another lesson, that I can learn from this is to not take anything for granted. Nothing in life is fully guaranteed. It is a true blessing and gift to wake up every day like I said earlier, it's not guaranteed. Your health is not guaranteed. And now I realize neither is running. It can be taken in the blink of an eye from you like it was from me. Unexpectedly. When I do have the opportunity to run healthy again I'm going to take every run as a privilege and an opportunity. Every time I get out that door and move one foot in front of the other down the street or trail I won't forget the feeling or craving of wishing I could be doing that. In every long-run conversation I have with my teammates, ill take every word and sentence between breaths that are being said as a blessing. Every time I feel sore I'll stretch and enjoy it while remembering myself wishing I could feel that soreness in my legs from a 10-mile run. Every time I feel like want to give up mid-workout because my legs are aching and I think "my body can't take it"( this is a false statement always). I won't. Because there was a time ill remember when I wish more than anything I could feel that pain. So I won't.

You don't fully realize how much something really means to you until it's taken away from you and you can't do it anymore... It's quite funny how sometimes life works like that. I've heard some people say that they didn't realize how much they would miss their Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other until they no longer want them back. Or when you tell a child they can't have a piece of candy and they just really want it 1000x more. It's the psychological factor and human nature that is ingrained in us that makes us want what we can't have even more. And when we have it we end up taking that prize for granted. Humans want what they can't have, but don't realize what they have when they do.

I think the hardest thing I have to choose to accept (which I'm working on day by day currently in the present), is choosing to accept the reason I most likely had a stress fracture in the first place. And I am grateful for the opportunity to now learn from it and not repeat my mistakes again or make them even worse. Sometimes it's really hard to try and learn from our mistakes. Especially when we don't really have anyone else to blame but ourselves. Well, then I could have controlled this right? So this injury was controllable? That's something I began to repeat in my head over and over in the beginning, but one thing I can control right now and I chose to control was reminding myself that you can't change the past, only the future.

So even though sometimes we come across some bumps in the road on our journey there's always a way around those bumps and it starts with you. It starts with your own mindset and choosing to control the controllable. And the first step in that is to wake up every day with gratitude and shut your eyes at night in thanks for yet another opportunity to live another day filled with life.